it hurts me....

Ok, so, its another rant of mine I suppose. I'm just….just kinda sick to my stomach. I'm just so frustrated seeing kids and adults alike who I REALLY thought loved God & truly had a relationship with him go to the wayside. I mean, I understand the prodigal son story. That son may have rebelled for a while, but he came back home. How can you have truly had a relationship with God, and have known Him, TRULY known Him, and turn from it? I don't mean just a time of rebellion-but truly change your heart, your morals, your beliefs…..and all for the sake of the world & what it has to offer? False love. False hopes. False fantasy. To truly change you BELIEFS…what you say in your heart of hearts? I have certainly had my share of days in rebellion….and I never wish to go back there again. I am not above the rest of anyone else. How can we so quickly turn our entire focus off of our God & King and just focus on us and what we want? God lets us do that though….and He lets us also suffer from our consequences. We may have a tiny period of momentary pleasure in our self seeking, but we will have a lifetime of consequences and longsuffering. God, how did I ever turn my eyes off of you? How did I rebel for so long?? Now, even though I don't feel guilt or shame for my past, I feel rather awkward even writing this blog, because I imagine being seen like a hypocrite. But, fact is, I don't care. I can't imagine the things I used to do, I can imagine the things I used to say. My mouth was so so dirty-like a sailor…and fact is, it still needs a lot of cleaning. But, I feel that God has cleaned my heart. I have been growing in relationship and freedom so much in the past year & I am so thankful to God for it. He's sweeping my house clean and removing distractions from my life and things that bring me down. It doesn't, however, make my heart hurt any less about seeing people fall aside and ignore God & His love & plan. I hurt more to see children who are the product of their parents. Children who GREW UP knowing God's love & plan.. Who now walk, talk, and life like they've never known Him. Kids I've seen grow up in youth ministry, trained. All I can wonder is, did they ever know Him? Did I ever know Him in my times of rebellion? I don't know. I don't want to be there again.

3We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. 4The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. 5But if anyone obeys his word, God's love^[b] is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: 6Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.

1 John 2

My heart can only cry right now. I can only pray. I pray that God will do whatever He has to in His power to draw those who, hopefully, once knew Him back to Him. He just stands at the door & knocks…………..unfortunately most people never answer. This guy, Jesus, laid down His life & has promised us all things under Him….and we actually chose to take control of our on lives?